L'Shanna Tova

So it is Rosh Hashanna. Jewish newyears. I have chosen to take the days off from the old job. I am not sure if I am gonna get paid. I don't care. I hate being there and in my heart of hearts I am Jewish and I get massive guilty feelings when I work on the holidays. These days are suppose to be the moss solemn and holy of all the days of the Jewish year. On these two days, G-d opens up the big book of life and inscribes in it who will die and who will live, who will have a disaster and who will live happily, who will do what and etc. Then for the 10 days in between now and Yom Kippur, which is the most solemn day in Judaism, we get to contemplate our very existence, atone for our sins, and on Yom kippur the book is closed and your fate for the year is set. These 10 days are called the days of awe. When I was using and doing all my ripping an running I used to think if I prayed really hard on these days of awe that my life could change and I would be forgiven for all my sins. So, I am home. Some,e of the traditions for the holidays make it difficult for me, like One is not suppose to carry anything, so how am I suppose to get to synagogue on the bus? I am thinking, actually of not going today, maybe going for a little while tomorrow just want to hear the shofar