December 31, 2004

New years Eve. The end of the year. A time for reflection and for looking forward. So How has my year been? It has been a year of change and growth. I have experienced the loss of a friend (dawn) and the loss of a sponser (oma). I have given my solitary exsistence and chosen to share living spaces with a roommie (angela). I have lost a job (ECE) and gained a better one (ACT!). I have opened my heart to new people and tried to address my fear and lack of trust. I have realized that it isn't that men do not find me attractive or desirable, but I am soo broken by my relationship with kev that i subconsiously do not give out the right symbols so i appear to be unapproachable and unwilling as a sexual partner (PTSD). I have joined a writing group, and although i ahven't been motivated to write or share a lot of what i have already written, i have relaized that i do have a talent and if i wasn't so afraid of failure and success i might pursue that unwriten novel.

Moving onward and upward, how can i move forward.
1. Exersise and diet
2. Wings PES Seminar
3. Get a new sponser
4. Complete my obligations that i have signed up for

Resolutions? I prefer the term goals. Will i be able to achieve tham? If i keep these goals frontal in my mind there is no doubt. the problem is I usually get misdirected.

Plans for this eve? NA Dance, of course

on Blogging, et all

so, the other day i wrote this long blog in a rant about some such thing, and then, low and behold, it just like dissapeared!! Gone.. So, I got mad and decided I wasn't going to update this blog becuase after I wrote alll that crap, I of course, could not remeber exactly what i had written. What I do remember is that it was very articulate and thought full and oh well.

I got my kitties a holidat gift. I found it at petsmart and it is very funny. It is a stuffed animal fish that has the word "Gefilte" embroider on it and whenyou squeeze it it says "OY VEY" heee hee. They are afraid of it. I love it

Happy end of the year and hoping the next one is good for you all faithful readers.

Obsession

Ok, so, have you ever done anything stupid and you can't let it go? So, yesterday at work, I finished reading the book that I have been carrying around for ages, "The Sword of Shannara", which is not a very good book by the way. Anyways, so, after i was done with the book i said it wasn't very good and, of course, the silly boys around me all were saying why did i read it if it wasn't good

so anyways, a these boys are always talking about their RPG games and whatnot. these games involv fantasy and stuff, kinda like the atmosphere in that fantasy novel. So, without saying anything, I got a weird thought in my head that the guy behind me should read the book, so I threw it at him. Just picked it up and lobbed it over the cubicle wall. stupid. stupid. well it landed on his drink of water and spilled it all over and turned into a big crisis. i apologized and apologized. Then i went out to break. And of coiurse, when I came back in my sup. wanted to speak with me about the incident. I told him i did it because of an error in judgement, and it was. he forgave me and said to never do it again, and that was it. But now, I can't give it up. I am obsessing on how stupid I am and how embarrasing that move was

i need to let this go

TITLES AND THERE OF

So, it seems, if you don't include a title the bloging gods think all your posts are part of the same blog! even if they aren't written on the same day or even the same week. Now how curious is that?

Some passing thoughts, ohh they jsut passed

i actually sdon't got nothing

HAPPY CHANUKAH

Happy Happy Chanukah!!!!!!!!! Today is the first day. I was feeling a little lonely yesterday, having to light the candles by myself and no one to celebrate with and no gifts, but, I would not have my life any other way. I like it. I like being single. Sometimes, I won't deny it, i do wish for some male companionship and a little nuggy, but, i am not willing to trade my freedom

so Happy hannukah

Saturday Morning

I spent almost all night tossing and turning. Combination of my stuffed up head and the fact that my acid reflux decided it wanted to kick my ass. Oh My God. I finally was able to lay down with out getting sick to my stomach at about 3am.....I immediately fell asleep only to be awaken at 8am by my internal clock, that screams to me every weekend.."GET UP YOU LAZY ASS"...

However, I went outisde to smoke at about 2am and I noticed how quiet and serene it is that hour. a couple of prowling raccoons, but otherwise it was glorious.

I have come to determine that I like working for Best software. Nice working envirnoment, nice people, nice philosphy. Same kinda deal as that other big software giant in Eugene, but different. Now all I have to do is get a date for the xmas party and life will be grand

And read the below message... Why am I not surprised. There are so many of us using cell phones of course thsoe god damn telemarkets would call them

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I registered all of our phones, including our cell phone.



Federal Trade Commission


A directory of cell phone numbers will soon be published for consumers.
This will open the doors for solicitors to call cell phone owners, using up
minutes that you pay for. The FTC has set up a "do not call" list, i.,
cell phone registry. To be included on the "do not call" list, you must
call from the number you wish to register. The number is 1-888-382-1222 OR
you can go to their web site at www.donotcall.gov and add your number to
the do not call list.


Pass on to friends who have cell phones.

I hope you find this information useful.


Sincerely,

Dale D. Johnson

So i am at work today feeling like crap, all stuffy and whatnot, but i only had one sick day, due to the fact that this is a new job and i can't afford the time off.

in other new, i absolutely LOVE Harry & David!! I managed to get my holiday shopping done in record time for all my friends and families back east in a simple click and shop!! Now, my bank account is about 100 dollars less, but my obligations are taken care of. I haven't shopped for any body in town, but, they can wait untill my next pay check

I am thinking about just staying home tonight and not going to the meeting becuase I feel like crap. all i need is sleep

Home sick today. Feeling like crap, all stuffy and yucky. I hate being sick. I wish i could breathe