Couple O' Things

Early morning, again. Although it is not as early as yesterday. I like the few hours I have to myself before the rest of the world wakes up. It is nice.
The TV drones on in the background as I type. My tummy growls.

Brooke came over last night. We baked 6 loaves of zucchini bread with this huge zucchini from her ex-garden. It taste great. We then watched "Against the ropes' on pay-per-view. The weird thing about that movie was that Meg Ryan was suppose to be from Cleveland and it sounded like she was using a Wisconsin accent. The movie was ok. Not the worst I have ever seen and not the best.

I am feeling better today about being laid off. I think a lot of what I was feeling on Friday is due to the stress of being at that hell hole. I will have enough money to pay the rent and the bills and I will take my time and look for a job. I will not accept any job, like I have done in the past. I will wait until the job that I really want arrives on the scene . I will continue to apply at Symantec and the UofO and the city and the county and the state and etc etc.. It'll take time but I have faith that my HP has something in store for me that I don't know yet

musings

It is early and I am awake. I like the early mornings in the fall. The sharp breath of the cool air. The fog seems to blanket the world and mutes all the sounds. The crows outside are noisy, cawing at each other in a melancholy kind o way. The pear tree in front of my patio drops another of the spent fruits right in front of me and it splattered. The acrid smell of wood smoke hangs in the air. My coffee is bitter

later

so, after some praying for my hp to alleviate my mood i am no longer angry but i am feeling depressed and some self-pity. now pity is feelings of unresolved greif. i believe my unresolved grief is due to the loss of this stinking job, my lack of money and my inability to save said cash.

ANGRY

I am so fucking pissed off today i feel like screaming. crying. beating up someone. i feel very angry. angry at ece for being stupid.
i actutally feel like crying. i am sad. i am greiving. i am feeling awful. i am loosing my job. i am useless and i feel like a loser. howmany times in the last 10 years have i been jobless. quite a few. i always get laid off. i don't even work hard at jobs. i try to do the least i can do and get by. i keep gettimg screwed by myself. i hate myself. i hate ece. i hate symantec. i want to work there. they don't want me. i am loosing my job. i have 2 fucking degrees. i barely make enough money now to support myself. i want to hide. i want to get loaded.

No title

Almost done with this place of employment. At this point it is almost torture to be here. They are giving people Vto (voluntary time off) without pay, but i had last thurs and fri off so i can' afford it. I really think it is tortuous to be here now. i went to an open house the other night about being a 911 operator. I think I will fill in the application. I will aply back at Symantec one more time, they seem to be hiring over and over. Why don't they want me? what did I do wrong? who the hell knows!!


Tom arrives on MOnday!! I am sooo excited!! We have reservations at a nice motel at the coast and we are gonna have fun. this place is only allowing me to take off tue, wed, and thur, but it should be alright.

My poor kitty is covered with sores from flea bites.. poor poor baby. I doses him last night with the advantage, but I feel so awful when i cuddle him and he is all crusty.

Got up late today, had to rush to the bus.

L'Shanna Tova

So it is Rosh Hashanna. Jewish newyears. I have chosen to take the days off from the old job. I am not sure if I am gonna get paid. I don't care. I hate being there and in my heart of hearts I am Jewish and I get massive guilty feelings when I work on the holidays. These days are suppose to be the moss solemn and holy of all the days of the Jewish year. On these two days, G-d opens up the big book of life and inscribes in it who will die and who will live, who will have a disaster and who will live happily, who will do what and etc. Then for the 10 days in between now and Yom Kippur, which is the most solemn day in Judaism, we get to contemplate our very existence, atone for our sins, and on Yom kippur the book is closed and your fate for the year is set. These 10 days are called the days of awe. When I was using and doing all my ripping an running I used to think if I prayed really hard on these days of awe that my life could change and I would be forgiven for all my sins. So, I am home. Some,e of the traditions for the holidays make it difficult for me, like One is not suppose to carry anything, so how am I suppose to get to synagogue on the bus? I am thinking, actually of not going today, maybe going for a little while tomorrow just want to hear the shofar

Saturday

Ok, so today I am suppose to clean the house and get ready for my women's group coming over tomorrow. I really don't feel like cleaning, but, I hate the thought of people coming over to my filthy house. Anyways, Dawn is here, we are gonna go play.

Today, is the anniversary of 9/11/01. I remember where i was that morning. Hopfully, we have learned our lesson and we will be prepared for any more threats that will come.

Where has the prilosec gone??

I need to know if anyone else has this problem. I have been using OTC Prilosec for my acid reflux and hiatal hernia since I found out that the cost of this OTC medicine is cheaper than my co-pay on my prescription for Protonix, which is actually the same kind of drug. Now, it is no where to be found in any store anywhere in all of Eugene Oregon!!!! I am desperate!! I need my prilosec!! Where is it ? Has anyone seen it? What's a girl to do??

On a totally different note, my life is starting to get more and more stressful. The pressure of knowing I ma going to be jobless at the end of the month is starting to permeate into my consciousness and is causing me to bite my fingernails, be bitch-ier that usual and all kinds of stress related stuff, such as not sleeping well. I have also been over eating.

I am going on a baking spree this evening. Tomorrow night Oma is celebrating 21 years at The Die Hards. I have ordered her a 22-karat gold plated medallion and I am baking her a chocolate cheescake and a flourless apple crisp for Kim-Anne, who is celebrating 19 years. I am Awesome.

I downloaded and installed a bunch of mods in my Simcity 4 game and I got buildings that were looking like cardboard boxes so I installed RH over it and now the whole game crashed so I had to uninstall the whole thing. I lost my mega-city and custom made regions. I had worked so hard and long on those. Oh well it is only a game.

Three weeks until Tom comes!!! I am so excited!!!and this month also has the Jewish Holidays!! I know they aren't letting us take our floating holidays here but, I think it is a Federal Law that they have to at least let me take the days off. I don't know about the pay however. I am gonna put it on the timecard and we will see.