WORK

So i just finished a test to see how proficent I am with ACT! My goodness!! It was a hard test. I think I did alright. We shall see. Last night I had my writers groups at my house. It was only 3 of us. I hope it goes back to what the beginning mission was.

GOOOOO RED SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

THE CURSE IS REVERSED!!!

The allmighty Red Sox are champions of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did nto ever think I would live to see the day that my Red Sox finally won the World Series!!!!. Not ever in my fathers lifetime had they won, and I beleive that play a great part in his ever deepening depression, but be it as it may.....it has finally happened!!

Home Now

The acrid smell of cat piss assaults me as i walk in the door. UGH! DaMn cats!! Where is it from? Who Peed? I try to find it, spray the Living room rug with Febreeze and move the plant becuase I think It is coming from that... I don't know. Since i moved it seems there is a lot of cat accidents and I do not like it..
How to stop this? how to prevent it?

Autumn

The trees are beautiful this time of year. As the green starts to dissapear the true colors of the leaves shows thru and the reds and oranges are breathtaking. It reminds me of when Kev and I lived in New Hampshire and I would wake up early before him and sit outside on the deck with my coffee and I was so awed by the world......Back to class. Learning about syncing up databases and devices ((Palm pilots and Palm computers and ACT!))

Monday

So, yesterday, I cooked a pot roast with Potatoes and carrots and aspargras on the side and invited Deanna, Dave and Brooke over for dinner. Everybody showed, and we all ate and it was a grand old time. I was getting annoyed with Angela all day as she kept telling me how to cook my roast. She kept saying, "well my grandmother used to do it like this..", but, you see, out cultural cooking experiences are totally different. I come from a Jewish background and her is goyisha, So, of course it is totally different. I didn't like her assumption that her way was right. But I got all passive/aggressive and did what she said and seethed inwardly. Not a good thing. I still think my way, or my mothers way is the best. But whatever.....Just had to get that off my chest

Saturday night

So, you know your really old when what you want to do on a Saturday night is just sit around and watch TV and lay on the couch. Oh well. I was hoping my for some solitude, but my roomie decided to stay home. I mean, I didn't do anything all day, didn't even get out of my jammies!! How Decadent!! I like living with another person, just sometimes I would rather be alone. I don't know why.

My fatigue is becoming more severe. I am so tired some days I get dizzy. I get like all wired feeling in my head and body. I think it is the PBC I hate being sick, so I don't say anything, on the other hand, the exhaustion is getting so bad I can barely move some days

GOOOOOOO RED SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I for the life of me cannot believe the Boston Red Sox won the pennant title last night!!! What a miracle!! Maybe, just maybe, this is the year that the curse will be broken and, wonder of wonders, the Sox will win the World series!! One can only hope!! Oh, to be in Boston on that fateful night when the Sox do finally win the series.

Early to work

OH MY GOD!!! we had to come in to work at 7am for some benefits meeting thing-y!!! It was a bitch cztch the bus. I was stressing that the bus that leaves my house may not arrive downtown on time, but it did and I am here!!

I am tired. It is raining!

Sunday

So, What is up with the politicos knocking on my door to get me to vote? It does not make me want to vote for your candidate, but rather against him because you are disturbing me on a Sunday after noon when I am sitting down to watch a movie!! And I cannot stand the unsolicited phone calls! Leave me alone!! No amount of bothering me will make me want to vote for your candidate! Don't you understand that! Yes, I am one of the millions of undeclared, undecided voters in this country, but your ad campaigns and your door bell ringing and your phone calling will not sway me any way other than against you!! I have voted in every single election I was in the country for since I was 18, I will make my final decision when I pull the string on the curtain, or in the case of Oregon, mail in my ballot.

And that is another thing...What is up with "Vote by mail"? I so much prefer going to the polling place, getting into the booth, pulling the curtain closed and turning those little cute levers. It seemed so much more official, than just punching out some chads and mailing it in. Ho do I know that when you see my name you aren't going to say "she's an idiot" and throw my ballot away? Do we trust the post office? They have a hard enough time dealing with mail correctly, can they do ballots? And if the 2nd tues in November is Election day, if I mail my ballot then, When will the votes be processed and the winner determined? The whole thing seems kinda stupid if you ask me. So I don't have to leave my house..Whoop-de-do!!

And on another note, went bowling last night with a bunch of people from my old job. I even got 2 strikes on game. I had fun. We are gonna do it again sometime soon

Saturday Morning

I woke up this morning and, wonder of wonders, I am alone. I am not used to living with a roommate. Sometimes, I yearn for solitude. I became so used to it living by myself. I like having a roomie and living with Angela is working out perfectly, but sometimes I need to be by myself to process.

Went to Creswell last night for the meeting, and, guess what? NO OMA!! Does she now have such a large resentment that she can't come back to the meeting that She started so many years ago? I feel sorry for her. But, the most important thing I have learned in NA is nobody and nothing is ever going to stop me from going to any meeting I want to go to, ever. I would not have all the things I have today in my life without NA. Everything, Good and bad. I do not want to go back to where I was 10 years ago. They say resentments get us loaded. Do I have a resentment against Oma? No. I am hurt and disappointed, but I don't resent her. So, I have to find a new sponsor now. The question is WHO? Kathy K? Floyd? Someone else? I would ask Donna S., but she is living in Portland. I have to think about this, ponder and come up with the solution. In the mean time, I will read my basic text more than before, continue to write in both my journal and my step work and this blog and rely on my HP for guidance.

Thursday was a very unsatisfying writers group. I am open to other people joining us, but the newones are not on the same wave length as I am or others and the group seems to be going off in some weird direction. We will be meeting at my house in 2 weeks. And no Kherry to direct the flow. Hopefully, this change will be posiive and the direction of the group will change for the positive. I am gonna see if I can nudge it.

The new job is fabulous. At least the work environment is. There is so much information to learn about the new software I will be supporting. My brain feels so full. I am afraid that all the info is just gonna fall out because there is not any more room for any more.

I think I am going bowling tonight with some people from my old job. I am a little appreshensive because of the description of the last time, but I need to enlarge my world.

Lunch time

Lunch time at my new job!! woo hoo!! It is cool here, jsut as coola s my friend sthat have gone over to that other big software company in Eugene. I think i am gonna like it!
I got a letter form Dawn. seems she had some stuff going on and, she is going into couseling, like do you think she may have needed it? NAH (LOL)

And I called Oma and apologized. She accepted my apology, but then said that it didn't change anything. i am still unclear on waht that meant. I saw dale and he said that Oma is being too sensitive. He was there on Friday and he said her reaction was totally inappropriate, so I feel kinda vindicated. I am feeling a little better about stuff, still kinda emotionalyy raw

More later, training restarts now!!

Here is a photo of my baby, Jabu the cat 

LIFE

I am always amazed as to how my life works. On Friday, which was my last day at ECE/Stream, I got a new job. I will be working at Bestsoftware support ACT!. At this point I was looking forward to the time off, but I applied because I know I needed a job, and, wonder of wonders, I got it. I am glad for the fresh start. I have made some mistakes at ECE and by having a fresh start wth a clean slate, I get to try again. And what I know is that I will do better.

So, now down to brass tacks. two things are weighing on my mind. The first is an incident with Dawn and Hannah. Hannah is 17. She just got a boyfriend. Her mom, Dawn, has some pretty strict rules. It was only like last year that Hannah was allowed to go by herself on Saturday to the mall with her friends. Also, Hannah is not allowed to go out at night with her friends. And she has to be in bed by 9!!! And even on the weekend, she has to be up by 8am!!! I think that these rules and a few others are oppresive and I think that Dawn is obsessing on her life as a teenager and not allowing Hannah to make ehr own mistakes. So about 3 weeks ago, on Hannhas Birthday weekend she stayed with us on Saturday night. No big deal. We ate junk food and watched movies. Come Sunday, Hannah woke up early and called her boyfirend and made a date to meet him. So she left. Caught the bus and out the door. dawn called about 1pm looking for Hannah and I said that I didn't know where she was. Dawn caleld again later and i said she was out with her friends. dawn came over our hosue aout 5.30pm to get Hannah. she was short with me. I didn't hear from her for a while, so i called her. She said she is mad at me for the above incident, because if Hannah didn't call her and tell her there was a change of plans then I should have known to do that and she felt like she was being betrayed. I apoloiized and I said I hope this doesn't wreck our friend ship and Dawn confirmed that it was ok, but I haven't heard from her since then. I have called her and she doesn't return my calls. i am upset about this

Ans then, On Friday at the meeting, Oma walked in wih her hair cut in a new style. She shared how she was sensitive and obsessing and thinking about acting out in old behaviors and etc. Chris said her new hid cut made her look like a pixie. Oma didn't like that. At reak a bunch of us went up to take to her. Dale said, Pixies are cute and Oma shared hwo she feels awful and doesn't like it and how she felt bad enough already. Then I said "Well, I could make it worse, cos. when you walked in I thought you looked like my fucking mother." WHOOPS!!!!! That was totally the wrong thing to say and she screamed how dar you kick me when i am already down. I tried to hug her and say I was jsut teasing but she would have none of it. She ran out of the room crying. I know I put my foot in my mouth. I know I said somehing Inappropriate. I think that is it with my relatiosnhip with Oma. I think at this point it is unrepairable

So, fellow bloggers, I need, want, crave your opinions on my life stories. my perception is not correct. I need the opinions of people not involved with me to say what they think. Please, please post your comments!!!

Today

The day dawns. The sky is overcast and promises a day of clouds and drizzle. I crawl out of bed, full of anticipation for the day and all it holds.

Went for a job interview the other day for Best Software. Don't know if I got it yet. People have been informed today, but I can't get my messages from my machine. I would like to know.

Feeling a little dizzy today. I don't know why. I haven't been taking care of my liver and I think the cirrhosis has progressed. The symptoms that prompted me to go to the MD in the first place are more intense

Work is amazingly boring. They're paying me 11 bucks an hour to sit around and read books. What the hell

Last Week

It is our last week of work here at ole' ECE/Stream. Currently, I am sitting at my desk, playing games, reading and just generally doing nothing and getting paid 11 bucks an hour to do. Not to Shabby. Although it is very Boring, it isn't so bad. I feel as though they owe me this much at least.

I had an interview at Best Software. Am not sure how it went. Keeping my fingers crossed. Although I heard that the trainer here will be the trainer there and she sucks.

I had a great time with Tom on his visit to Oregon. We didn't do much, he wan't feeling well because he had a cold, which unfortunately I think I have caught.

nothing much more

Last Week